We parked in the dark in front of the small pile of wood under the basketball hoop.

“Today I was thinking…,” she put her hand up to her face, “never mind I-”

I fingered the logo on the steering wheel. it glinted in the light. Nissan.

“What?”

She looked ahead. I waited.

“I felt so crappy today. I thought to myself. what if I just ended it…it’s the first time in a loooong time that I’ve felt this.”

“Do you feel scared when you think that.” I was thinking of when I looked down from the Kim engineering building and was scared by my urge to jump.

“No…why would I?” Irritated.

“Maybe that you’re scared that you might do something that you might not be able to reverse”.

She glanced down at the pocket of the car door. “You never think about that when you’re in that state. You just want to end it”.

“Logically that makes no sense though, because you know about all the times that you were happy before, you would lose them all if you ended it.”

“You don’t think like that. It doesn’t matter when you feel like you’ll never be happy again.”

“I guess you can’t argue with that logic….But logically that doesn’t make any sense.”

“Why?!”

“Because you thought this many times before and you were never right before. You’re assuming you’ll be right this one time.”

“I don’t want to talk about this right now.”

I opened the car door.